've noticed that kids rarely disguise themselves as
politicians anymore. We never see Trump, Chuck Schumer,
Nixon, or Nancy Pelosi costumes these days.
Traditionally, Halloween costumes have a general theme of death and decay. The purpose is to immunize kids from their natural fear of death and also to teach them that adults aren't scary monsters but ordinary people. But there's one thing adults fear more than death itself: the federal government. (Maybe they're the same thing.)
But now that the glorious day when the US government is shut down has finally arrived (though no one seems to have noticed), we may see former government employees going from house to house begging for carbohydrates.
Kids, of course, are figuring this out. Last year some of them in my area dressed up as businessmen carrying briefcases instead of bags. This year we could see this:
Three kids dressed up in suits and ties, with IRS badges on their jacket and carrying a bunch of papers marked SUBPOENA, knock on your door. Two other kids dressed as federal agents are standing behind them. The husband opens the door.
“Good afternoon, sir. We're from the IRS and our office has determined that you have filed incorrect tax returns twenty-one times over the past twenty-two years. You presently owe 377,422 dollars and 42 cents in back taxes and fines. This is a levy for seizure of your property and it authorizes us to take any and all nonexempt assets including your wife, your dog, and all your possessions, including any and all candy on the premises. We have a demand for immediate payment.”
“But, sir, ... we'll take a bribe!”
I suggest if you try this you should have an ambulance with a cardiac unit standing by.
What's really scary is that this time they might be real former IRS agents, bureaucrats, and diversity managers. Genuine symbols of death and decay, and far scarier than any zombie.
oct 29, 2025, 5:18 am
