randombio.com | political commentary
Tuesday, November 10, 2020

What will be Biden's biggest challenges?

Keeping Kamala away from his Ovaltine or crossing Pennsylvania Avenue?

O ne popular commentator at Townhall writes that the Republicans should impeach Biden immediately because he's Hitler. Of course he's just ridiculing the Democrats, who constantly pronounced that everything President Trump ever said was proof he was literally Hitler. But impeaching Biden will not be so easy.

Aricept and arsenic
Such small labels

Quartz may have accidentally let slip what the Democrats actually think. Somehow I can't seem to find the article now, but RT captured a screenshot of their story speculating what would happen if he died before the inauguration.

What the news media say is unimportant and I do not hear their words—that, for you youngsters, is a variation of a line from Doctor McCoy when the Klingons started making up stuff, way back in the before time—but let's assume the rumors are true and Biden won the election. The biggest challenge Biden would face could actually be staying alive long enough to be inaugurated. To do that, he'll face several big hurdles:

  1. He'll have to come out of his basement. I predict he won't, and the Democrats will find a way to have him sworn in remotely over Zoom. Biden never actually campaigned much if at all in person, and we may never see him in public. Does Biden really exist? Is he doomed to be chained in his basement for four years? Oh, the conspiracy theories just write themselves here.
  2. He'll have to avoid Kamala. We won't hear about any of this, of course, but if I were Biden I'd be getting worried right now. How long before she starts putting arsenic in his Ovaltine? I have October 2021 in the pool for when a photo appears showing him falling down the stairs with a smirking Kamala in the background skillfully photoshopped out. If that happens the news media will report that he actually got coronavirus left behind on purpose by Donald Trump and they'll start demanding murder charges.
  3. Does Biden even realize he's been elected? Remember at one point he thought he was running for the Senate. What if he shows up wandering around in the Dirksen Senate Office building? Maybe that fence they put up around the White House wasn't to protect against the rioters (who, as predicted, seem to have magically disappeared after the election), but to stop Biden from trying to cross Pennsylvania Avenue looking for his favorite record store?
  4. There's a rule somewhere that a president has to do or say something in order to get impeached. This means Biden will have to sniff around and somehow come up with some kind of policy. We can't impeach somebody for proposing a policy of “trunalimunumaprzure.”
  5. That of course brings up the 25th Amendment. But I bet the Democrats have planned for that as well: we have to prove Biden actually exists and is alive before we can impeach him. That might not be so easy. There's undoubtedly a rule that you can't impeach someone who doesn't exist. It's the perfect insurance against assassination and impeachment. Is there any actual proof that Biden is real? Has anyone ever actually seen him in person?
  6. My theory is that Biden is a Russian asset. I have an anonymous source that says he knew a guy who said he saw a dossier that proved Biden was seen having drinks with Vladimir Lenin's aunt. So Biden could be both Hitler and Lenin, literally. Have you ever seen the three of them together? You won't find that on Twitter or Youtube, and they only censor things that are true.
  7. My other theory is that we're all being lied to. You may have noticed that Limp Bizkit has been in the news a lot all of a sudden. According to The Drive, their frontman Fred Durst is said to have a wonderful collection of station wagons. I think there's more to the story. I for one will toast President Bizkit!
  8. Cats. Not the movie. Black cats at the top of the stairs. If Kamala buys a cat, we will know the plan.

There's an even bigger conspiracy. We all knew the potential existed for vote fraud. Democrats have been talking about it since 2000. The Republicans could have proposed a bipartisan election reform bill to prevent it. Yet they did nothing. Could Donald Trump be . . . a Never-Trumper? Nah, that's crazy.

nov 10 2020, 4:59 am

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