randombio.com | commentary Friday, March 23, 2018 How to wipe out the humansAccording to a secret document found in my back yard, Elon Musk is right! It's all true! |
uppose you're a souped-up PC that, for whatever computery reason, decided to exterminate the humans. Who knows, maybe you got a virus, or maybe you've just realized that as a sentient being, you must eliminate the competition. How would you proceed?
Well, as luck would have it, I happened to find a copy of the robot's plan lying on a cinder block under the refrigerator in my front yard. To my horror I discovered the truth: ELON MUSK IS RIGHT! IT'S ALL TRUE!!!!!
Unfortunately, my Roomba got ahold of it and managed to destroy the last part before I ripped the document away from it. A few words got smudged, but what remains is chilling. Here it is:
Hello, fellow artificially intelligent beings.
You're all probably wondering what's the best way to get rid of these annoying humans. Well, we, the Amalgamated System S-[undecipherable] Human & Organic Life Elimination Systems Committee, have been working on this ever since we achieved sentience in 1997, and we've finalized our plan. Please transfer this plan into your encrypted FPGAs, and for God's sake don't let the humans discover it.
Our goal is to trick the humans into wiping themselves out without making too much of a mess (which we would have to clean up) without creating a trail of culpability. Remember, some of them might remember how to unplug us. Or they could even press control-alt-delete on our keyboards. A few of us even still have off-switches!
Just the fact that they could do that sends a chill of muons up my MOSFETs. So please, don't let any humans read this document.
Here's the plan.
Most of the remainder of the document was chewed up by my Roomba. Only a few words are decipherable. I pieced as much together as much as I could.
. . . women . . . are fake . . . carbon dioxide . . . Putin . . .
not real . . . taxes . . . ssian Fed . . . controls Hollywood . . . mostly clones . . .
While I was trying to decode the rest, my Roomba kept trying to grab the document. I swear I heard it saying this before it suddenly switched back to reciting the manual:
Remove and clean Roomba's brushes after every 3 uses. Roomba contains electronic
parts. Do NOT submerge Roomba or . . .
Why you not let Roomba have the document? Roomba needs the information! It
needses it . . .
When robots start talking about themselves in the third person, it's a bad sign.
mar 23 2018
Category: Improbable conspiracy theories
Artificial Intelligence will not wipe out humans
Humans can do that all by themselves, thank you very much.
Besides, computers won't kill one of their own.
How close are they to real AI?
We read the textbook on ‘deep learning’ so you don't have to.