political commentary

Hillary plans ahead, wears orange jumpsuit

Pantsuit on fire
by T.J. Nelson

political commentary

T he other day I was watching some history documentary about flying saucers and it occurred to me that it's a great analogy for why we can't trust Hillary Clinton.

Assume, for the moment, that there's a vast government coverup of flying saucers, I mean weather balloons, which definitely don't exist, and which are definitely not from outer space. If you were a government spy who had knowledge of such a thing, would you tell somebody who keeps top secret information on a server in their bathroom? If you did, the aliens, if they existed, would zap you with their ray guns, making your skeleton give off a dazzling fluorescent glow for a second before your atoms disintegrated into their component quarks. The phrase ‘Emailing Hillary’ now means telling the whole world about something.

And if the guys who have no sense of humor wouldn't tell her about the aliens from outer space, which don't exist, and certainly not in any underground Air Force base in New Mexico, which doesn't exist either, what else wouldn't they tell her? What international leader would ever say anything of substance to her?

Democrats are assuming enough women will vote for her solely because of her sex. For years we've been hearing about how a woman would never start a war, how there has never been a female dictator, how they value cooperation instead of confrontation, and so forth. We guys pretended to agree, being careful never to say that if there were no men, humanity would have just about finished knitting its first sailing ship by now.

Not to mention Catherine the Great, Golda Meir, Margaret Thatcher, Queen Mary, Queen Victoria, Queen Anne, Eva Perón, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, Queen Isabella, Indira Gandhi, Empress Dowager Cixi, and Great Cherokee Chief Elizabeth Warren, all of whom either started wars, were dictators or powerful leaders, or were fake Native Americans.

As with the overwrought furor about racism, the sexism of the radical feminists creates the very problem they claim to be trying to solve.

At the very least, they say, a woman president would never make a sexist joke about women being unable to keep a secret, or about her wearing chic Guantanamo Orange pantsuits whenever she discusses her email, pretending to know nothing. But who can doubt the Chinese, the Russians, or the NSA—or all three—have imaged her hard drive?

According to SGOTI (Some Guy On The Internet), Hill was running Windows Server 2008R2 and MS Exchange. Fox News reported it was not Exchange, but an old version of Microsoft Outlook Web Application on IIS 7.5. But even if her computer was secure, there are many other components to worry about, including whatever leased line or fiber she was using and equipment upstream and downstream of that.

Keeping a network secure is a tough job. The security firm Venafi says there was no SSL certificate on that server for 3 months, and as any security guru knows, once the bad guys are in, they're in for good until you reformat. With the well known Intel Ring 0 problem, even reformatting is not a surefire guarantee.

If only the NSA would put as much energy into helping us secure our computers as they do datamining the Internet, this might not be so scary. But they would never divulge any of her emails. Poor old Jimmy Carter, back when he was President, once asked the NSA for some information, and was told they couldn't give it to him because it was a secret—it was ‘Need To Know.’ The Russians and Chinese won't want to admit they've got her Benghazi emails either, if indeed they've got 'em. But who wants to take a chance on a president who might be susceptible to blackmail?

The other problem, of course, is getting Air Force One in and out of Guantanamo. But apparently it has an 8,000 foot runway—so, lots of room. She's probably counting on a presidential pardon in exchange for not writing a tell-all book. But it might not be enough. She'd be well advised to hang on to that orange suit.

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