political commentary

The Republican Candidates as Molluscs

by T.J. Nelson

political commentary

The candidates distinguished themselves from each other very well. But I couldn't help noticing a physical resemblance to my favorite sea creatures: all flamboyant and a bit prickly.

Donald Trump: Clump of tangled hair or a maniac? Like this mollusc, which looks like a tangled ball of fluff, no one who sees him can figure out what he is, or even if he's real.
Marco Rubio: Colorful and better than expected
Chris Christie: Leader of the old-style circular firing squad (Archidoris)
Hermissenda crassicornis
Carly Fiorina: Sneaking up on the pack by channeling the great Margaret Thatcher (Hermissenda)
Ted Cruz: Well camouflaged (Dendronotus)
Mike Huckabee: Not just a fundamentalist, but pro-military too (Aeolid)
Sea urchin
Rand Paul: True to his libertarianism but prickly. If only we could fuse him with Ben Carson like they did with Tuvok and the Doctor on Star Trek Voyager. (Paracentrotus, sea urchin)
Scott Walker: Devastatingly witty, if only somebody would ask him a question
Ben Carson: Smartest one in the bunch, but very laid back. If you hear snoring, it's him.

One or two candidates disqualified themselves by proposing a VAT. A couple more, like Lindsey Graham and Jeb Bush, may find they need to change tactics. But those debates were the most hopeful sign we've had in this country in eight years.

aug 06, 2015
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