The profound philosophy of Eric Cartman

Next time a person of gender claims to be offended by Ovid, don't just facepalm.
by T.J. Nelson


T o those who say modern philosophy is dead, I direct your attention to the cartoon character Eric Cartman on South Park.

In an era when schoolchildren learn the basics: readin', writin', and riotin' ... and how to put condoms on cucumbers, we have one guy in the country who tells the truth. The only problem is he's not real. You must be dead for at least five years to become a saint. The cartoon is, apparently, still running, but since he was never alive in the first place he's still eligible for canonization.

Roger Simon says the proper response to PC is what he calls the rotation method, which boils down to cultivating an appreciation for your enemy's helpless tears. The philosophy is essentially: stop validating their victimhood. Or in terms an imaginary person like St. Eric might say: “You ain't a moral cripple, so stop acting like one, a*****e!”

It's appropriate since PC is, after all, nothing more than pretense—pretending that everyone is the same when they're obviously not, pretending to be offended when no sane person would be, and so on. It's the left's microaggressions, milliaggressions, and macroaggressions. Even the government has started doing it; Charles Murray's latest book is really an admonition not to participate in this pretense. Lies are not just false statements; they are always acts of aggression.

So next time a person of gender claims to be offended by Ovid, don't just facepalm; tell her her unfathomable tears of frustration are delicious ambrosia to you. Then tell her to go back in the kitchen and bake you a pie.

Translated into PC-speak, that means her micro-aggressions are de-validating your right to authenticity. Recognize her actions for what they are: an act of aggression. Lies are not just false statements; they are always acts of aggression.

When we tell women they're stronger and smarter than men, they're usually smart enough to know we're lying (or at least we think we are). It's cheaper than buying them roses. But for feminists their hatred of men wins out, and they internalize it. The ideology of pretense has turned much of an entire generation into biology deniers.

Global warming is another pretense. The warmers wanted us to pretend to believe it. Their rage is not caused by the fact that others had reasonable, albeit occasionally misguided, questions about the science; it's caused by the fact that people are refusing to pretend to agree. But when Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream starts giving us lectures about climate science, you know it's a pretend issue—something rich, privileged people use to trick the rest of us into believing, while they continue their extravagant lifestyle.

That's been going on for ages: Arthur Herman quotes Voltaire saying he didn't believe in God himself, but hoped his valet did “so he won't steal my spoons.” It's a separate truth designed for the masses to trick them doing what you want.

It starts when you tell someone a white lie to be polite. Next thing you know you have a president who actually believes the lies and your civilization is crumbling around you. Such is the Wisdom of Saint Eric.

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may 29, 2015; last edited oct 01, 2016


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