My Near-Death Experience

Visiting the Department of Motor Vehicles is a lot like being dead.
by T. Nelson


I have never believed in an afterlife. But one day I woke up with a terrible foreboding. Somehow I knew today it would be my turn to go. Only three weeks until my driver's license expires!

I found myself traveling through a long, dark tunnel. Suddenly I emerged into a wondrous land where the Sun was shining and there was an amazing blue sky overhead. I turned off (at Exit 43B) and found myself in a strange place with flowers and trees everywhere.

Almost instantly I was inside a darkened cavern, surrounded by dead people. It felt like being a worm. The guy in front of me, for example, by the look of his clothes, had obviously been dead for quite some time. Most of the people there appeared to have died of old age, but some of them were young. They clearly did not expect to be there at such a young age and appeared not to know what they were supposed to do.

From time to time these seemingly soulless creatures moved, gradually inching forward toward the being in front of us. This being appeared genderless, formless, but it seemed beneficent, wise, and all-knowing. In an instant I knew its name: Aum. Also known as Umm, but everyone else just called her the DMV lady.

I waited in line for what seemed like forever. Suddenly there was a light and I found myself moving toward it, almost against my will. There was a face—not friendly, unrecognized. Then it spoke to me.

You can do no wrong, said the voice. You must fill in these entries correctly. If you do wrong, you will not be able to enter, and you must return to the back of the line and begin again.

But then the voice spoke again.

It's not your time, said the voice. You're not supposed to be here. The sound of the voice seemed to boom out all around me. Go back and sit down, said the voice, until I call your number.

So I went back and sat down. I waited for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly I saw a blue-eyed girl. Her face was unfamiliar at first, but somehow she recognized me. Hi Fippler, said the blue-eyed girl, you are here too. Yes, it was my long lost sister!

Then there was a bright light. I was irresistibly drawn toward it. The light knew all there was to know about me: my address, my date of birth, even my Social Security number. I was overwhelmed with a sense of awe at its vast knowledge. It seemed to get brighter and brighter, and I went into the light.

A few minutes later, I came out again, and discovered that I had been laminated. But then the voice spoke to me again, saying “You are not ready. You will be ready in ten to fourteen days, and your license will be mailed to you.”

Suddenly I found myself in the tunnel again and soon I was surrounded by all my friends and family who had, unbeknownst to me, been standing vigil, because I had accidentally taken the keys with me. They informed me that my cerebral cortex had not been functioning the entire time. So I knew at that moment I must write a book about my experiences, even though there would be those who would not believe me.

And from that day on, I was never afraid of death. Many times, thinking about my experience at the DMV, I even yearned for it. But always someone whacked me on the head and made some snide remark about my cerebral cortex again, and I snapped out of it.

Note: If you haven't read Proof of Heaven the above story might not make much sense.

nov 12 2014

On the Internet, no one can tell whether you're a dolphin or a porpoise

by T. Nelson


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