ccording to a recent poll, if the election were held today Barack Obama would lose to any generic Republican. People, according to the article, are so dissatisfied with Obama's performance, if there were a box for "Anyone but Obama" they'd check it. Probably even the box for Rin Tin Tin, the Wonder Dog. And why not? He's well qualified. A World War I veteran, Rinty's descendants now live in Texas, the state which gave us Presidents Dwight D. Eisenhower, George W. Bush, and ... Lyndon B. Johnson. Well, no state is perfect.

There's only one problem: Mr Tin would be disqualified because he's not a U.S. citizen. He's from France. Probably doesn't even have a valid birth certificate. And, he's a dog. Plus he's dead. Of course, more than 20% of our voters are also dead. So he'd certainly get the Dead Persons' vote. Even so, he can hardly do worse than the current "dog" in the White House. Well, I can report today that I've found Rin Tin Tin's authentic COLB, or Certificate of Live Birth (see authentic copy at right).

But what if Lassie ran against Rin Tin Tin? Then it would be a dead heat. Lassie is a quintessential Democrat: always running back to the Government to get help. Lassie herself was a Government employee, spending several years, probably as a GS-7, working for the USDA Forest Service. Timothy Martin, Lassie's accident-prone campaign manager, noted that although Lassie was a female, she was indistinguishable from males and was often played by them in her films. So, definitely a Democrat. A chronic sufferer of psychiatric problems, Lassie was frequently told to get help, but never did so.

To find out what he'd do if elected, this reporter interviewed the taciturn Rin Tin Tin, who prefers to be addressed as Rinty. When asked his policy on illegal immigration, Mr Tin just gave a low growl. I think that means he'll be tough on them.